i feel like i’m drinking paint sometimes. thick, mushy, swirly- i know that we all are. — yours seems so diluted sometimes. i ball up envy and fear rolling over each other — my sighs are echoing through the house again. heavy breaths that float through doors and whisper regret.
i’m not sleeping. properly too busy handling the night calls. my silhouette casts soft shadows all over the wooden of my floor. my gut vibrates miserably again knees weak, shaking like a leaf. everything swirls and swirls and swirls- don’t wake me up please. i’m not sleeping. properly- too busy answering the night calls. too […]
Mondays: iPod and homework. Tuesdays: Bananas and yogurt. Wednesdays: Yoga and Coke. Thursdays: Long bus rides and watermelon. Fridays: Nacho cheese Doritos and apple juice. Saturdays: Oatmeal and coffee. Sundays: Cycling and sunshine.
I bought them. I bought laxatives. I bought laxatives- and I ate them. It started out as a once a week thing if I needed to binge, but slowly got addicted to them. I doubled my laxative intake. I stared at my now visible ribcage in the mirror. Soon I noticed my shoulder bones popping […]
when chair legs scratch us when dried lips become the better of us when we’re falsely lighting the end of us suck it in- empty, strong, flowing– to the currents, all over in my veins, my beating blood when we close our eyes and inhale ragged breaths, choking ghosts slip surreptitiously down our cheeks- — […]
You were so beautiful And I looked like a monster I think about this everyday. And these are my notes of the everyday.
I’ve just come home from a formal school occasion and I’m feeling pretty low; just penned this down in the midst of my embarrassment and anxiety. the girls are brutally pretty brutally acclaimed brutally judgemental. if their poisonous eyes could kill me i would die, and be buried in my shame. i’m worthless i’m ugly […]
Let me just say that while I give pretty fucking good advice, I’m extremely bad at following it. I’ve hit another low point again. You know how they say there is the honeymoon phase to diets, to eating disorders, to recovery? They don’t last long enough. That endorphin rush lasts for a week at best. […]